Baby Loss Awareness – How to support a loved one in need
Baby Loss Awareness Week is observed annually on the 9th of October, to honor and remember babies lost during pregnancy, birth, or infancy. All of these extremely important life stages for new parents can be stressful, confusing, and even isolating at times. It can be an emotional rollercoaster that leaves you unclear of where your path will lead you next. The week is also an opportunity for bereaved families and parents to connect with other families and parents that have also experienced this loss.
The first thing we can do at the familial level is to expect and allow fathers to be involved. Many mothers expect very little from their partners because they believe that fathers can never care for children the way that mothers can. This causes many of the service providers use the terms “parenting” and “mothering” interchangeably, without acknowledging the fathers in the group. It is important to be aware that fathers still experience suffering, even if they haven’t carried the baby.
In light of the recent news, celebrity Chrissy Teigen has posted on social media about her experience going through the loss of her baby. While she talked about the suffering she was going through, she also linked it to a more family loss and very much made it so her husband, John Legend, was also very affected. This has highlighted such a positive movement that today, more individuals and families that are experiencing such losses are becoming more vulnerable.
Many believed that her willingness to open up on such a difficult, and intimate moment with the public, was a sign of unity with people who had experienced baby loss and helps reduce the stigma around such topics, which is still something that is frequently battled behind closed doors, in private.
Dr. Kate Prozeller, a psychologist with expertise in paternal and maternal health, enlightens us on how others can support individuals going through this. Many people ask, what can I do to support someone in my life who has gone through the experience of losing a child?
1. Listen to their story. It may be hard for a parent or family member to tell and express their feelings and emotions. Be kind and patient in listening to them discuss their story and its impact. Sometimes we need to say something to offer reassurance in these situations; however, simply listening can provide a safe space for someone suffering to express themselves as well.
2. Give them time to heal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Many times, people will jump between the different stages of grief. It is important to remember that everyone has their timeline when it comes to the process of healing. Being supportive regardless of how this looks is essential in supporting someone who has had this experience.
3. Be aware of sensitive dates. Remember that dates, such as the baby’s due date, milestone dates, and holidays can be challenging and triggering for people that have experienced losing a baby. Showing support by remembering these dates and reaching out by calling, sending a message, or just checking in on someone can be helpful.
4. Understand that there will be good days and bad days. Not all days are equal, and it is essential to remember that grief can seem to improve one day and, just as fast, the next day can be worse. Grief is not linear and can take a long time to heal.
5. Offer help. Would ready-made meals be helpful? Can you go with them to an appointment? Do they need someone to listen? Asking someone what they may need can be beneficial. They may not know what they need in the moment, but the act of offering will help them feel supported.
6. Be aware of the stigma around loss. Sharing personal loss stories can trigger many feelings and emotions that are painful to experience. Some may feel shame, or embarrassment, or even a concern that they might be judged. Creating a safe, nonjudgmental space where their feelings can be validated is important to the healing process.
7. The impact of paternal loss- It’s important to remember that the loss of a child impacts both the mother and the father. Men may also be more reluctant to reach out for support or help. Checking in with a man who has experienced loss and asking him about his feelings may open a door for him to share feelings he wouldn’t otherwise address.
If you find yourself to be in this boat and are wanting to reach out for support, here are some resources available in the UAE
Thrive Wellbeing Centre
It is important to remember that dealing with the loss of a child is significant. If you are experiencing severe sadness or anxiety and cannot cope, it is essential to reach out and get help. At Thrive Wellbeing Centre, we have a created the first Maternal Mental health unit that specializes in working with women, men, and families that have experienced these issues in the UAE. Dr. Kate Prozeller is recently certified in Maternal Mental Health, specializing in working with individuals and couples facing these issues.
